Kaner, I'd give your last post a +1, except that I'd be subject to investigation of multi-accounting with you.
Options 1, 3, 5 all look good. Option 2 is better than status-quo, but still somewhat Orwellian.
Another thing to consider with the logged on symbol is that removal of it frees players from worrying about why someone is online, but not writing back to you. Once a gain the psychotic girlfriend metaphor comes into play. I've actually had players (and moderators) attack me over my log-in behavior. As someone who plays multiple games on multiple Dip sites there are times when I log on, study the map, write a note, and get called off to work, family, sport, drink, etc., forgetting to log off. This "crime" has gotten me accused of all manner of dishonestly and unethical standards, when it's frankly no one else's business if I am logged on and active or logging on and banging blondes in the next room. If the moderators really had a valid concern, they would design the site to force to to log in again after a period of inactivity. This is not the case (save for an isolated tyrant here and there). Removing the logged on symbol not only helps preserve anonymity, it provides additional personal privacy, specifically that which would lead to fewer instances of Kathy Bates-like paranoia.